These Advice from My Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger failure to communicate among men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - taking a few days away, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."